The Life She Never Had
by Cela Fille
Summary: But at least one of her children would have the life she'd always wanted. Too bad she wasn't part of it. CxJxA.


'Vogue' Shoot.

Check.

Call Jacques to confirm Plaza booking.

Check.

Try on Vera Wang wedding dress at Saks.

Check.

Meet Edward at the 'Waldorf' for a quick review of the plans.

Alicia Rivera hailed a taxi, her tanned hand raising into the air. The honking around her was incessant, but she loved it. She loved the feeling of being in New York City- her city. A rusty yellow cab stopped in front of her, and she quickly opened the door and sat inside. Her style hadn't changed since middle school. She was wearing a white Ralph Lauren button up, dark wash True Religion boot cut jeans, Michael Kors ankle boots, and a fitted, navy Ralph Lauren blazer. Her raven-colored hair was loose and wavy, and her dark eyes were outlined in Bobbi Brown eyeliner. Sighing, she checked her Blackberry for any new emails. She was living her dream. Then why didn't she feel elated, like she should have? She remembered the days when all she wanted was to break out of Massie Block's firm grip, and outdo her, once and for all. And she did.

Now she was a world-famous model, the new face of Ralph Lauren, and was getting married to the most eligible bachelor in the United States, Edward Cummings. He was the multi-multi billionaire who recently bought both Apple and Google. He was also devastatingly handsome, which didn't hurt a bit. They had met at Donald Trump's party, a business opportunity for him, a chance to meet and mingle with the cream of the crop for her. They hadn't exactly hit off, but there was enough interest in him to invite her to dinner the next night. He was charming, a bit stiff, but could carry on a good conversation. Three months later, he proposed.

She supposed it shouldn't have been a surprise, but it was. She knew that, though his attention wasn't always on her, that their relationship had been publicized beyond reason, and that it was only practical that they should be married. He had three ex-wives, she had found out recently, but didn't question him. Surely their relationship would turn out differently. She had quickly realized what marrying him meant for her. He wouldn't be around very often- that was without question. He probably wouldn't be the best father, but what could she do about it? Her parents encouraged the proposal, and were delighted when she accepted him. Why wouldn't they? He was a parent's dream.

She suddenly realized that the taxi had stopped in front of the huge building with flags hanging off the walls. The Waldorf. Thanking the driver, and pressing a crisp fifty dollar bill into his hands, she gracefully left the cab, slipping on a pair of Dior aviators, hoping not to be recognized. Voices caught her ear, and she turned to see a young brunette girl- no older than five- jumping out the doors of a school, with a gaggle of children behind her. She was beautiful- she had dark hair- almost black, with exotic features: dark, flashing eyes, soft pink lips, and a small, straight nose. She was chubby too- not fat- but had the perfect amount of baby fat on her flushed cheeks. Alicia watched as she ran to two people, a look of great excitement on her face, with her curls bouncing from under her adorable knit cap, and her cashmere scarf trailing behind her.

"Mommy! Daddy!"

The words made her heart break. She knew who the girl was.

"Stella, darling!"

The young blonde woman held her arms out, and engulfed the young girl in a hug. She showered her face with kisses, and stroked her hair. The dark-haired, handsome man beside her grinned, and hugged the little girl as well. The young girl, Stella, pulled away from the blonde woman with a smile.

"Mommy, there is so much I have to tell you! Today, we colored pictures of flowers, and..."

She chatted animatedly, walking between her mother and father, holding hands with them both, with a wide grin.

"And guess what? I can count to 20 now!"

The blonde laughed, and shook her head, smiling. The man looked over at her and chuckled softly.

"Claire, she can count to 20. Do you know what that means?"

"What?" Stella asked excitedly.

"It means today, we can go out for ice cream!"

"YAY!" she squealed.

"Josh, you spoil her rotten!" Claire laughed, but hugged the young girl all the same.

"No he doesn't! Daddy loves me!"

"Hey! I love you!" Claire said, smiling, and kissed the girl's forehead.

"I love you too, Mommy."

Mommy.

Mommy.

Mommy.

It should have been her, Alicia knows that. She was _hers. _Not Claire Lyons'- or, should she say, Claire _Hotz's_. She hadn't even realized that she looked extremely stupid, standing on the sidewalk for the past five minutes, staring at the 'happy family', with a sharp pang of regret tugging at her heart. They were the family she'd always wanted, always yearned for. Her own parents had disappointed her in creating this family, and she, most indefinitely, was going to do the same for her and Edward's child. But at least...

"Alicia?"

She turned to see Edward approaching her from the back of a black Lexus.

"Hello Edward." she said, trying to control her wavering voice.

"Are you alright?" he asked. His voice wasn't caring- it sounded more like he was worried that she'd burst into tears, and cause a scene.

"I'm fine." she murmured, and looked up at him. Thank God he couldn't see the way her eyes were watering uncontrollably.

"Good." he said, nodding.

"I love you." Alicia blurted. She didn't know what made her say it. Maybe it was because she needed something- anything- to convince her that she was doing the right thing. But Edward's handsome face was blank.

"Alright. Well, here's the itinerary: I have a meeting in two days in Germany, so I'll be missing our pre-wedding party- don't worry though, I asked Charles to speak on my behalf..."

Her heart shattered. He didn't love her. Not like Josh had. Not like anyone would. Glancing down at her hand, she looked at the huge, glittering, twenty-carat diamond on her ring finger. She had made her choice. It was too late to turn back.

But at least one of her children would have the life she'd always wanted. Too bad she wasn't part of it.

**Review. **


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